Prophetic Parenting: 10 Practical Approaches to Toddler Tantrums in Islam

Ummi and F (17 months old)

Research says, temper tantrums begins at around 18 months.

My 2nd child, F, is turning 17months old. Starting to show her tantrums. One moment she's a cute and adorable toddler. Another moment she cries, screams and rolls herself on the floor. Anywhere.

Allah, Allah, Allah!

Here are my 10 tips to dealing with toddler tantrums that I used to practice for my M (now 4y.o) and now, F. Bismillah.

1. BE CALM

Yes, regardless of any place. Be it in the public transport, in the shopping mall or in the library, the very main key is "ummi, abi, breathe and please remain calm." And calm here means, don't panic and no shouting.

Each child is unique, and finding the best approach for your little one may take time. Stay calm, be consistent, and let's seek support when needed. Biiznillah!

2. SAY YOUR ZIKRULLAH

Repeat many times in your heart and on your lips quietly.

• Istighfar; Astaghfirullahal azim,

• Selawat; Allahumma solli ala Muhammad

Or any other Zikrullah that comes to mind, which helps to calm you down while dealing with tantrums. Remind yourself tirelessly not to allow syaitan take over.

3. MOVE ASIDE

If possible, cuddle your child and bring away from the crowd. This is to minimize the attention by the surrounded people which may only tense you.

4. DISTRACT

Definitely it takes some times to know what leads to the tantrums. Meanwhile, find a distraction for the child to stop crying, screaming or yelling.

Perhaps, you can point towards the bird flying in the sky, the cat at the void deck, the double decker bus moving, the cyclist passing by etc.

Or, you can always keep your child's favourite or precious* item or food in bag, for emergency situation. Such as, lollipop, biscuit, plush toy, book and many more.

Precious means this item is not something he/she normally gets, but he/she likes it very much.

5. TRIAL AND ERROR

Think fast to figure out what triggers the crankiness; sleep, hunger, tired, bored, pain.

Its ok to trial and error by giving food or milk, rub the tummy or chest w some calming essential oil or read some zikrullah to sleep them.

6. TALK AT EYE LEVEL

You may even ask the child what he/she wants at that moment? And explain gently, if he/she can/cannot get the thing immediately.

Just a reminder, even though you are outside, that doesn't mean we can give in to all that the child wants.

7. GO HOME

You have tried them all for more than 30minutes but the child remains such.

I'd advice dearest ummi and abi, no matter how important that event is you are attending, sometimes the best solution is to go back home (if possible). Your child needs you more. Most times a child feels more relaxed, rests better and more at ease at their comfort zone.

8. TAKE NOTE

It's best for parents or caregiver to always take note for future reference, of the following;

• what time do the child normally shows tantrum (morning/afternoon/night)?

• what normally triggers the tantrum? (hunger, pain, tired, noise, overcrowded place, heat, sleep etc)

• what helps best for the child to be calm? (Hug, zikrullah, words of assurance, food, his/her favourite tys etc.)

9. TAUBAT

The story of the ulama salaf has always amazed and inspires me in many ways. May Allah grant them Jannah. Ameen.

Al-Fudhail bin 'Iyadh said: "Every time, my wife, my children and my mule disobey me. I will have a self-reflection. What kind of sins (maksiat) have i done towards Allah s.w.t? After I make repentance (taubat) to Allah s.w.t., I will see changes in them immediately. (Source: Dalam Hati Ada Syurga by Ustaz Umar Muhammad Noor)

Subhanallah, masyaAllah. Most times, when I find a problem too hard to deal, I know my relationship with Allah s.w.t. has to be fix somehow. And one way from many others is by performing Solat Sunat Taubat. Do alot of istighfar whenever I remember.

10. PATIENCE

Fasobrun jameel. Definitely, not an easy stage to survive as parents. But insyaAllah with hardships comes ease. 

Tired, very3 tired. But may Allah rewards, us parents' patience and sacrifices, with the highest of Jannah.

May our children grow up being righteous and pious. May our children look up to their parents after seeing how calm their parents are dealing with hardships.

Ameen ya robbal alameen.

Rooting for you, mommies and daddies!