Empowering Motherhood: 8 Islamic Strategies to Combat Mom Burnout
Motherhood: My 3 kids and I. Alhamdulillah!
Mommy burnout is real. Throughout my 8 years of motherhood, I have read many books and listen to many personal growth podcasts - in order to help me boost my personal well-being as a stay-at-home and work-at-home-mom. Alhamdulillah, for being a Muslim that at times of difficulty - faith and hope kept me going and thrive. In this post, I hope to part some of my daily practices that I have began to inculcate in my mommy lifestyle that has helped me strike a more balance lifestyle for me as a person who is more responsible in caring for myself first, my family and my community.
How do you know if you have mommy burnout?
"Mommy burnout is the emotional and physical exhaustion that you feel from the chronic stress of parenting. It's feeling like you're over your kid sometimes,” Ziegler told Megyn Kelly TODAY. “No matter how much sleep you get, you're always tired. And you resent your kids sometimes, which is a tough one. You feel a reduced sense of personal accomplishment — it’s a fancy way of feeling like you’re never doing a good job. The prolonged nature to it, like there’s no end in sight.”
Here, I will share with you my 8 Ways to Deal with Mommy Burnout - the Islamic Way. Bismillah!
Establish a regular morning me-time
"Our Lord, the Blessed, the Superior, comes every night down on the nearest Heaven to us when the last third of the night remains, saying: "Is there anyone to invoke Me, so that I may respond to invocation? Is there anyone to ask Me, so that I may grant him his request? Is there anyone seeking My forgiveness, so that I may forgive him?"
Sahih Bukhari
At around 4-5am, before every Subh prayer begins. In the 2/3 of the night, there is a special allocation of time for Muslims to attain inner strength and mental peace. It is the best time, when our family members are in their deep sleep - that we can best create a quality time for ourselves by performing Solat Tahajjud and recite zikrullah and Quran. This moment is very special in Islam, that Allah SWT has promised a very special benefits to those who thrive to acquire it. And eventually, this routine definitely help us to recharge our spiritual well-being - first thing first - in the beginning of the day.
In Fiqh As-Sunnah, Sheikh Sayyid Sabiq elaborates on the subject of Tahajjud as follows: And during a part of the night, keep awake by the prayer. It is beyond what is incumbent on you; maybe your Lord will raise you to a position of great glory.
2. List down 3 gratitude list in the morning
"And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.'"
Surah Ibrahim 14: 7
The purpose of gratitude is to build a positive pattern of thinking that rolls into behavioural change. At times of distress, it may be a bit hard to view life positively. Assure yourself that there's a glimpse of hope in the new day. It's another new day that Allah SWT has grant us the opportunity to breathe and live a new day. Be grateful for the day. Calm yourself, and take time to have a small conversation within you. Remember to be nice, be kind and empathise yourself.
3. Identify 1 thing that can make you excited for the day
Joy is a feeling of great happiness.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary
Early in the morning, take a moment to ask your inner self: "What is the 1 thing that is able to bring me joy today?" The 1 thing that you are able to do that can make you feel happy within your heart and create a feeling of excitement for the day. This can be as easy as drinking a cup of coffee, eating ice cream yogurt, working out for 30 minutes and going out with your family. The joyful thought somewhat help to motivate us in pulling through the redundant and boring chores, tasks and duties for the day.
4. Recharge your personal battery every few hours
It has been narrated on the authority of Umar b. al-Khattab that the Messenger of Allah SAW said: (The value of) an action depends on the intention behind it. A man will be rewarded only for what he intended. The emigration of one who emigrates for the sake of Allah and His Messenger SAW is for the sake of Allah and His Messenger SAW ; and the emigration of one who emigrates for gaining a worldly advantage or for marrying a woman is for what he has emigrated.
Sahih Muslim
As much as we have to recharge our phones often daily. Similarly, we need to ensure our personal battery is recharge regularly. As Muslims, our life are revolve around the 5 times daily prayers. Typically, we can try to allocate our break time and bring in presence and consciousness in our every actions revolving the Fardh prayers. How interesting that the pillars of Solat is the intention (Niyyat) beforehand. A huge lesson learnt from this is the importance to renew our intentions regularly.
5. Deepen your relationship with others
"Whoever is not grateful to the people, he is not grateful to Allah."
Sahih Tirmidhi
I am ever grateful for having my best friends despite my busy motherhood life. Alhamdulillah!
Generally, as a human being, we naturally yearn to live in a society. We have to take care of our relationship with our close and immediate people around us. This means that we take an effort to be mindful in caring for our loved ones in depth instead of just on the surface. It is important to ensure the available values of appreciation, connection, communication, compassion, empathy and strike a balance in our relationship, especially to our spouse.
6. Learn to delegate and seek help
Abu Hurairah (RAA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah SAW said: “If anyone relieves a Muslim believer from one of the hardships of this worldly life, Allah will relieve him of one of the hardships of the Day of Resurrection. If anyone makes it easy for the one who is indebted to him (while finding it difficult to repay), Allah will make it easy for him in this worldly life and in the Hereafter, and if anyone conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah helps His slave as long as he helps his brother.”
Sahih Muslim
My husband and I during one of our weekly dating cum Declutter Duo (DD) time. Alhamdulillah!
And when life gets overwhelming, it’s time to outsource; seek help and let others help you carry some load. As a first-time mom, I made the mistake of thinking that to be a super mom means I will have to do everything all by myself. Initially, I could still balance with my work-family life when I had 2 children, but the moment my third born came into our life, I knew i couldnt do it all by myself. All family related errands, housechores and schedules began to burden me alot. Gradually, through our weekly Declutter Duo (DD) time when we aim to settle our weekly chores and share upcoming week personal and family schedules - I began to realise how delegation and outsourcing really helps to ease off the huge loads on my mind.
Alhamdulillah, It’s clear now that when i decided to share the load and outsource, it frees me up to be more productive in my work and family life.
7. Establish a regular wind down routine in the evening
And made your sleep [a means for] rest
Surah An-Naba' 78: 9
Do you know that sleep is very essential to our brain development? Basically, sleep affects almost every type of tissue and system in the body – from the brain, heart, and lungs to metabolism, immune function, mood, and disease resistance. Research by National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke shows that a chronic lack of sleep, or getting poor quality sleep, increases the risk of disorders including high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, depression, and obesity.
Ideally, knowing that we aim to wake up early the next morning for Tahajjud prayer and that our body require 7-8 hours of sleep. We should commit to our sleep in time accordingly. In order to ease our bedtime routine, try to establish a regular wind down routine with your family in the evening. Such as, go for an evening nature walk and adopt a 10-3-2-1 technique for better sleep. This means, 10 hours before bed: no more caffeine, 3 hours before bed: no more food, 2 hours before bed: no more work, 1 hour before bed: no more screens.
8. List down 3 small wins in the evening
‘Ali said that Fatima went to the Prophet to complain of the effect of the grinding-stone on her hand, as she had heard that he had acquired some slaves, but did not find him, so she mentioned the matter to ‘A'isha. When he came ‘A'isha informed him. ‘Ali said:
He visited us when we had gone to bed, and when we were about to get up he told us to stay where we were. He then came and sat down between her and me, and I felt the coldness of his foot on my belly. He then said, “Let me guide you to something better than what you have asked. When you go to bed, say ‘Glory be to God’ thirty-three times, ‘Praise be to God’ thirty-three times, and ‘God is most great’ thirty-four times. That will be better for you than a servant.”
Sahih Bukhari and Muslim
Sometimes the “one little forward step after another” is underrated. Research by Harvard Professor and Author Teresa Amabile has shown that tracking these small and incremental wins can do wonders for our motivation and boost our self-confidence. Just like the big wins does.
This is because every achievement — big or small — activates our brain’s reward circuitry. The pathway opens up and we get the deeply satisfying release of testosterone and dopamine which leaves us feeling energized, confident and motivated.
Even Sayyidatina Fatimah r.a. sought help from the Prophet SAW as she complained about the many house chores, to which our beloved Rasulullah SAW advised her to observe the tasbih 33 times, the tahmid 33 times and the takbir 33 times to relieve her from fatigue.
As such, we can create a daily habit to list down 33 small wins in conjunction to reciting every tahmid in the evening. For example, "Alhamdulillah, I have helped my daughter to complete her homework. Alhamdulillah, I have cooked mee rebus for lunch for my family."
In conclusion
“...every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”
Sahih Bukhari and Muslim
My third-born and I during a zoom meeting for my freelance project. Alhamdulillah!
Do remember that "Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what's left you." Only when we have fully care, love and prioritise ourselves as a human being in the eyes of our Lord - that we have more energy to serve the humanity in order to serve Him. May Allah SWT makes it easy for us and may we attain the highest form of Jannah through our motherhood journey. Amin.
Rooting for you, mommy!
