Empowering Motherhood: Islamic Strategies to Wean Your 2-Year-Old Gracefully
This year dated 3rd January marks my 3rd born’s 2 years milestone. A month back I saw how my ustazah courageously weaned off her 2 years old baby. So, i was determined to do the same. But then, it wasnt easy. There was a huge drama going on and it affected me emotionally, physically and spiritually. Apparently, the whole family were affected by my boy's daily tantrum. *sigh*
In Islam, do I have to stop breastfeed my baby at 2 years old?
There is no strict limit to breastfeeding Islam. However, the ideal age to stop it is the age of two. Dr. Hatem Al-Hajj, Dean of the College of Islamic Studies at Mishkah University and a member of the Permanent Fatwa Committee for the Assembly of Muslim Jurists in America (AMJA), states: "The two year limit is not binding on the parents to stop breastfeeding at. Rather, it is the most ideal age to stop."
"The mothers shall give such to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms. No soul shall have a burden laid on it greater than it can bear. No mother shall be Treated unfairly on account of her child. Nor father on account of his child, an heir shall be chargeable in the same way. If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If ye decide on a foster-mother for your offspring, there is no blame on you, provided ye pay (the mother) what ye offered, on equitable terms. But fear Allah and know that Allah sees well what ye do."
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2: 233)
Today, I'd love to share with you what I did to overcome the situation when this whole toddler drama happened which has somewhat affected my life into partial distress. How not to be overwhelm while weaning off your 2 year old baby? So, basically in Islam there's a concept called 'maqasid syariah'. Fortunately, as Muslims, we can actually use this guidelines to improve our distress condition to a better. InsyaAllah, biiznillah.
Level up your SPIRITUAL (addin) capacity
"Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction."
(Surah Ar-Ra'd 13:28)
At times of ease and distress, always remember Him. The simplest way to remember Allah is through zikr at tongue. La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah. There is no might or power except with Allah.
Definitely, the best way to build our relationship with our Creator is through Solat. And the best of Solat is Solat Tahajjud in the 2/3 night when others are asleep.
"O ye who believe! seek help with patient perseverance and prayer; for Allah is with those who patiently persevere."
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2: 153)
Subsequently, reciting the Quran helps tremendously in calming down our soul in distress. There's a time when I was in total confusion while dealing with my child's tantrum. I sought for words of affirmation to calm me down. Then, I reached out the Quran, randomly flipped the pages and He guided me to the following verse. Subhanallah!
"So We sent this inspiration to the mother of Moses: "Suckle (thy child), but when thou hast fears about him, cast him into the river, but fear not nor grieve: for We shall restore him to thee, and We shall make him one of Our messengers.""
(Surah Al-Qasas 28: 7)
Level up your PHYSICAL (annafs) capacity
Eat healthy and move. Ensure you’ve got your me-time checked too. This is the time to level up your partnering skills and teamwork with your spouse. Because you are each other’s best supporter. Subhanallah!
Level up your INTELLECTUAL (alaql) capacity
Journal and pen down your thoughts and feelings. Read and seek help necessarily. Learn from the experts. And grow. It is very important to stay positive. And have a growth mindset.
When I was in distress, I searched through my parenting books and re-read them. I learnt new knowledge. 3 new pointers I learnt:
1. There are such thing as trauma for kids. When toddlers are in distress, they dont know other means to inform us about their feelings of unease. This may result to showing tantrums.
2. Dont offer but dont resist. And when the child ask for mommy's milk, inform the child gently, you are allowed to milk for a period of time (eg 1minute) only. For me, I recited Surah Al-Fatihah and/or Ayatul Kursiy with hope to soften his heart to weaning off easier.
3. Connection over Correction. It is very important to connect with our child before we want to seek them to do anything. This means, if we want our child to play independently per se. We need to build a connection with them beforehand. This can be done, through parent-child bonding such as read a book together or play together. Note that, it is also important to check that the child basic need has been fulfilled ie hunger and thirst.
Level up your SOCIAL (annasl) capacity
Empathise. Understand the situation of the child. Its hard when we don’t understand each other. Understand that a child's prefrontal cortex has not been moulded at this stage.
Level up your FINANCIAL (almal) capacity
Increase your sadaqah. Remember sadaqah has two types. It can be material and non-material. Helping others in need within our capability is also a form of sadaqah.
Rasulullah SAW said:
وَاللَّهُ فِي عَوْنِ الْعَبْدِ مَا كَانَ الْعَبْدُ فِي عَوْنِ أَخِيهِ
Allah helps the servant as long as he helps his brother.
(Sahih Muslim)
In conclusion, i learnt not to do things in rush. Be knowledgable. Be gradual.
"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:"
(Surah Asy-Syarh 94: 5)
Lets live in the present. Lets be intentional in our every action.
May Allah SWT rewards our perseverance in state of patience and gratitude for His sake. And may we belong together with Ahlul Jannah. Amin ya rabbal alamin.
Rooting for you, mommy!
